I puked a lego.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
