I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
