Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Two words: nipple clamps
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