i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
