I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
