My boss' voice literally gives me gas
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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