worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he was CRYING into my vagina
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
