i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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