the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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