I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
