Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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