Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
