The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
