i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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