she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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