The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
