I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
