shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
