OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
