I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
