Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
