therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
