My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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