I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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