I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
