I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude i'm inner monologue high
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
