He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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