i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
