Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
