So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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