Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
