I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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