You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
