Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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