did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Come see our sink grown plant.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
