it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
