I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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