The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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