i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
