he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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