sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
