vagina is talking i cant
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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