She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
