Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
