I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
