don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
