I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
