Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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