Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
