is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
