i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
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Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober