I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually