this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.