there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
