what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
