i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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