Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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