I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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