well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
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Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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