He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
