Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
