Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a search helicopter?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
