Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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