Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
