so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
