Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
