You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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