I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
