Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
