he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
