that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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