dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
