I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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