he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
